I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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