you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
