winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
