I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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