I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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