the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
