I want to make a zoo with you.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
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