Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
