i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
