You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
