you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
