I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
