I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
