everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
