he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
