Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
