Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm passing your future prison.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
