My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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