Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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