It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
