Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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