when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
