I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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