is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
