Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
