he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
