whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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