Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
