i was born a porn star she said
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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