Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
