big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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