I think my fart just growled at me.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
