I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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