Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
