So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
