I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
