Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
