he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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