Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
