I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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