Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
