I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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