I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
