We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
