I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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