Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
