The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
