I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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