im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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