five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
